The CBFC – Central Board of Film Certification – is under the radar for cutting the duration of the kissing
scenes from the recently released James Bond film, Spectre. If that wasn’t
enough, according to reports, the officials at the CBFC even wanted Bond’s favourite Martini to be
replaced with water as having Martini ‘was against Indian culture.’ Anyways,
here is a list of Indian filmmakers who should direct a bond film to ensure
there isn’t a single cut by the Censor Board and the film releases with a UA
Sooraj Barjatya: His films are known to be the cleanest when it comes to
the content. Forget about kissing or intimate scenes, even if his lead actor
kisses his ladylove on the cheeks, Sooraj prefers to depict it with the help of two
flowers. Remember the 60s and the 70s? Also, with Barjatya at the helm of
affairs, this would be the first time in the history of Hollywood that a James
Bond film would have more songs than a Bollywood film. Considering how well
Sooraj combined Chhayageet and Chitrahaar in his recently released family
drama, Prem Ratan Dhan Payo, it would
be interesting to see Daniel Craig dancing to Bond Leela, isn’t it? And his
signature line would change from ‘The name is Bond, James Bond’ to ‘Bond waapas aa gaya, Bond waapas aa gaya’! Hope Sooraj doesn’t
cast Bhagyashree and Bhumika Chawla as Bond girls!
Image courtesy: www.tellychakkar.com
Ashutosh Gowariker: Imagine Daniel Craig dressed as Bhuvan from Lagaan or Akbar from Jodhaa Akbar? Interesting, isn’t it?
When it comes to Ashutosh Gowariker, the only skin-show that we got to see was
Aamir wearing a waistcoat minus a shirt in Lagaan.
And imagine watching a shirtless Bond throughout a film? Jaws dropped already?
Now in another sequence, imagine Bond in Mughal attire romancing Monica Belluci
dressed as Jodhaa singing kehne ko
jashn-e-bahara hai! But one thing is for sure Censor Board will be more
than happy to clear this half-a-day long film without a single cut. With Aamir
as James Bond, would we have Gracy Singh and Rani Mukherji as Bond girls? Scary
Rajkumar Hirani: His is the most unconventional and endearing way of
dealing with conventional subjects. So if Ian Fleming decides to hire Rajkumar
Hirani to direct his next Bond venture, there is no doubt that either Sanjay
Dutt or Aamir Khan would play the lead. Sanjay Dutt, who is old enough to play
Q in a James Bond film, is out of question and Aamir? Well, he would be the
shortest James Bond ever in the history of the super hit franchise. And don’t
even think of who would play the villain. In one of the many firsts, a Bond
film would have a Parsi actor playing the villain; yes you got that right –
Boman Irani! Let’s hope Raju doesn’t cast Aamir as Bond in a triple role and
call it 3 Idiots! Tch tch!
Mukherjee: The Censor Board officials wouldn’t dare to cut a single
scene in a Bond film that would be directed by this late legendary filmmaker.
Today, Hrishida, as he is fondly
remembered, is not among us to spread any more celluloid happiness, but had he
wielded the megaphone for a James Bond film, it would have been one of the most
hilarious Bond films ever and yet clean enough for it to get cleared by the CB
officials without a single cut and with a UA certificate! With Rajesh Khanna as
Bond, the film could have been titled, Anand
Never Dies and with Amol Palekar, it would be called, The Golmaal Is Not Enough!
Yash Chopra: This legendary filmmaker has given an array of films to
millions of cinegoers and he too is terribly missed today. However, if Ian
Fleming wanted his next Bond film to get cleared by the Indian Censor Board
without a single scene being cut, then he would have definitely given it a
serious thought to get the late legendary Yash Chopra on board to direct it.
His films are known to have romance, drama, emotions, action, music and songs –
all in abundance and in the right proportion. However, it would’ve looked a bit
odd to have a title of a Bond film as Bond
Toh Pagal Hai or Jab Tak Hai Bond!
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