By Madhu Raj
Salman: Being Human ka advertisement toh banaya hi nahi yaar? Aaj hi ek kamaal ka concept aya hai. Chal bhai, isi pe ek commercial bana dalte hai!
Sohail: Aisa hai kya? Zara dikhana bhai?
Five days later…
Salman (On the phone): Arrey shun Sohail, Arbaaz ne do picture bana li, apna number laga le, fir mere pas dates nahi hogi tere liye.
Sohail: Bhai, who jo aapne advertisement bola tha, uski picture kyun na bana lein? Aajkal aisa hi toh hota hai? Waise bhi aapki picture mein log aapko dekhne aate hain, story nahi bhi hoga toh chalega! Aur yeh message wali film hai, bilkul Being Human jaisa!
Salman: Matlab award ka koi chance hai kya?
Sohail: Bhai, bas main direct kar raha hun. Kuch different banaunga!
(Salman (to himself), “This film should not turn out to be another ‘Hello Brother’”)
Salman: Abhi Arbaaz ne direct kari thi, pata hai na kya hua?
Sohail: Bhai, fikar not. Aap bas sirf action scenes ka socho. Kuch different banaunga!
Salman: Haan, accha sa koi action director pakkad lo. Action aisa lage ki jaise Hollywood ka ho!
Sohail: Bhai, aap kaisa bhi action karoge seetiyan toh bajengi hi. Kuch different banaunga! Hollywood ho ya South Indian action. Mere pe chhod do, kuch different karenge!
(Shoot begins… but the telepathy continues)
Sohail: Kal song shoot karna hai, kitne baje heroine ko bulaun?
Salman (to Daisy on phone): Daisy, free ho? Dance hi karna hai, zyada kuch nahi? Kal subah!
Sohail: Bhai, Ek Number. Wah Bhai! Bola tha kuch different banaunga!
(On the day of release)
Sohail: Yeh picture toh different hai na, Bhai?
Salman: Mere liye toh saare picture different hi hai yar. Dekh abhi tera different direction kaisa lagta hai?
Sohail: Bhai, bas Daddy yeh na bolein ki fir home video banaya tune…
Salman: Koi nahi, chinta mat kar, main jitna bhi accha kaam kar lun. Log ghoom fir ke meri shaadi ke topic pe hi aa jayenge!
Tabu to Sohail: Salman, tu hai toh anything chalega. Even humara case bhi abhi tak chal raha hai!
Sohail: Bhai toh Dabangg Tiger hain. Different hai!
Salman: Main toh bas Being human hoon yaar!
Sohail: Jai Ho Bhai…
Chorus: Jai Ho Bhai…
Disclaimer: This is a piece of satire. Dear Bhai-bhakts, this didn't happen in real life. But this doesn't take the fundamental right of giving gaalis to us because we posted an article that has Salman Khan's name in it. Calling all Twitter trolls. Kindly spare the lady who wrote this blog. But please, please, go ahead pour out all your anger on Twitter by abusing @Soumyadipta for still existing on this Republic Day. Please don't spare his mother, sister or any member of the family. Innovative gaalis will be personally rewarded with autographed uniforms this Republic Day. In other news, all images of this post have been released through a PR agency for publicity and have been procured from public forums and social networking sites. Please inform us if any of the images used here are copyrighted and we will pull those images down. Content Copyright: The responsibility, implications and the sole ownership of the content is of the author who has contributed the content to this blog as a friendly gesture. The editor of the blog has not editorially intervened in this opinion piece by the author. Please don't copy-paste matter from this blog. To contact the writer, please visit her author page HERE.
Categories: Is the movie worth your buck?