It is a man-made calamity

Star cast: Tusshar Kapoor, Aftab Shivdasani, Krushna, Shakti Kapoor, Darshan Jariwala, Gizele Thakral and Mandana Karimi

Director: Umesh Ghadge

Rating: *

I really don’t know what to write and where to start from. Now if this is what the first month of the year has to offer in the name of a movie and entertainment then I really wish the world had ended in 2015. Kya Kool Hain Hum 3 is undoubtedly one hell of a horrible and hopeless film I have seen in the longest time.

Had it not been a part of my job, I wouldn’t have wasted a single more second and wouldn’t have written a single more word about the film. But sadly and unfortunately, I could neither stop watching the film mid way (not that I was made to sit at a gun point) nor can I stop writing the review mid way. But I sat through and survived this man-made calamity so that I could tell you how disastrous it is.

I assume you guys already have least expectations from this movie, but please be informed that whatever little hopes you have of this ‘cocky’ film (pun intended) would die a brutal death and will be buried right in front of your eyes.

It’s a story about two good-for-nothing losers, Kanhaiya (Tusshar Kapoor) who becomes cock-eyed the moment he sees anything in red and his Casanova friend Rocky (Aftab Shivdasani) who happily gets a gross birthday cake for Kanhaiya’s granny who, after seeing the cake and Rocky masturbate in front of her, dies on her 69th birthday! Anyways, the two travel to Bangkok to meet and work with their childhood friend, Mickey (Krushna) who has promised them a great working opportunity in his business, which is nothing else but making porn films. Obviously, Rocky and Kanhaiya are totally unaware of what they were getting into and by the time they do, it’s already too late.

Why were they even chosen to act in porn films? Well that’s something I wish to avoid mentioning here because the film has an A-certificate, not my review and I don’t wish only few people to read it the way only few people would end up watching the film.

So while they are busy doing what they are best at, Kanhaiya falls in love with a girl (Mandana Karimi) and so does she and they both decide to get married. However, the girl belongs to a traditional Indian family and hence, in order to impress his to-be father-in-law, Kanhaiya, with the help of his pornstar friends, builds up a fake traditional family. But that’s when destiny takes a turn for worse and Kanhaiya’s real parents decide to land up in Bangkok from India and the entire rigmarole follows.

This supposedly sex comedy, which the makers are promoting as the first porn-com, does enough ‘yawn’ shoshan of the audience. The story is so drab and boring that you might yawn more and smile less. And I purposely didn’t even mention the word ‘laugh’ because the dialogues are so unfunny that you might want to bang your head on the head of the person sitting next to you. The characters are so caricaturish and unbelievable that you would forget them the moment you step out of the exit gate.

Talking about performances, well let’s not even get there. Honestly, they all are so bad that it’s not worth wasting your and my time reading and writing about it. I had actually expected better from Krushna who is a genuinely talented guy with brilliant comic timing and is known to be one of the spontaneous actors around. He too is very disappointing. All that an actor of Darshan Jariwala’s (who plays Mandana’s father) caliber is seen doing or rather saying is ‘Main aur mera popat’ (and no it’s not a tribute to Amitabh Bachchan’s legendary dialogue, Main aur meri tanhaayi) throughout the film as he is shown moving around with a real parrot. Sample this: “Main jab chhota tha, tab mera popat bhi chhota tha. Jaise jaise main bada hote gaya, mera popat bhi mere saath bada hote gaya.”

This was just a sample. There are worse jokes that would not even evoke a smile, let alone make you laugh. I just want to ask the makers one thing – What were you thinking (if at all you were) while making this film? Actually I would not even recommend the fans of this genre to go for this one as they too will walk out mighty disappointed. It’s okay to make a sex comedy / adult comedy, but at least serve what you promised. Don’t promise chicken chilly and serve kauwa biryani! What did you think? Kya Fool Hain Hum?