By Madhu Raj

Characters: Begum Para (Madhuri Dixit-Nene), Khalu Jaan (Naseruddin Shah), Munira Aslam Zia (Huma Qureshi), Babban Hussain (Arshad Warsi) and Jaan Mohammad (Vijay Raaz).

Scene 1:

Begum Para (Madhuri Dixit): Lagta hai aapko pehle kahin dekha hai…

Khaalu Jaan (Naseeruddin Shah): Yaad aaye kahan toh itilla zaroor dijiyega, hum bhi dhoond rahein hain kab se apne aap ko…

Babban (Arshad Warsi): Main yeh yaad kar leta hun, badi kaam ayegi real life mein bhi!

Begum Para (to Babban): Aap Mahmudabad Ka Naya Nawaab competition mein nahi aaye ho. Jaiye, apni bhasha thik kariye pehle!

Babban: Aur aap makeup se zyada apna urdu diction brush-up kar kijiye! Maine bhi reality show judge kiya hai. Aise mat bol! Bhasha meri thik hai, mera second time hai, aur bolunga toh Vidya lagegi!

Scene 2:

Babban Hussain (Arshad): Shaam ko kya kar rahi hai?

Munira Aslam Zia (Huma): Kyun? Jaise Vidya pe line mari, waisi maar raha hai kya?

Babban: Dekh Huma, jaan to main hi dalungi scene mein, teri punchline se fayda hona nahi!

Munira: Main apna kaam karti hun aur editor apna kaam karega, tum humari chemistry pe dhyan rakho, kahin lost na ho jao!

Babban (Arshad) to Munira (Huma): Aaj zindagi mein pehli baar tair nahi kar paa raha hoon ki kya main zyada character mein hun ya Khalujaan? Jaisa bhi ho, ladki to is bar dono ke paas hai (winks).

Munira (Huma): Tujhe zindagi mein mujhse achchi heroine milegi, kismet kharab hui toh fir main mil jayungi. Yahin kahin VB pictures aur Rohit Shetty Films ke beech mein!

Scene 3:

Jaan Mohammad (Vijay Raaz) to Para Jaan (Madhuri): Humara naam Vijay Raaz hai Para Jaan, aapki film ki vijay kara bhi sakte hain aur scene ka para chada bhi sakte hain.

Begum Para: Main Madhuri Dixit hun. Tumhare mentor to picture bhi banate hain mere naam ki (Main ‘Madhuri Dixit banna chahti hun’) Kitna accha scene karlo, khubsurat toh main hi lagungi!

Jaan Mohammad: Khubsurat toh aap hain, tabhi to hum line main hain. Par talented to main hi lagunga (winks). Kyun ladva rahi hain Khalujaan ko aur humein? Woh to hume Monsoon Wedding se is wedding tak jaante hain!

Scene 4:

Khaalujaan (Naseeruddin): Arrey suno Mr. Joe B Carvalho, humari chemistry best hai! Begum Para- Munira ki khichdi pakane se bahaut badhiya hai…

Babban (Arshad): Jackpot mein toh aapka bhi lag gya, main toh saath hun… Bas mujhe out-con karne ki koshish mat kia karo.

Khalujaan: Lekin Iss baar ishq sacha hai humara bhi aur unkaa bhi

Babban: Ch******!

Disclaimer: This is a piece of satire. Please don't confuse by thinking the dialogues actually belong to the film.  

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